The pandemic has shifted and changed so much of our world.
From the dynamics of shopping and dining out, to seeking medical care and working, it has shifted how we connect and relate to the world. For some, it has jolted a sense of freedom from their norm, opening the door to new possibilities and balance while for others, it has created rigidity, feelings of “stuck,” and even feelings of dread in day to day life.
Relationships have not been immune to its effects either.
What this pandemic has stripped away from many relationships is a sense of curiosity to life, feelings of thrill to the possibility of adventure, and a sense of erotic mystery to relationships.
Ester Perel, a renowned psychotherapist shares that eroticism is not just something in the physical sense but it’s the energy in how we play, communicate and interact in our world and with our significant other. So, how do we bring back that erotic energy that drives mystery, excitement, and play to our relationship in a time that seems to be desperate for stability, consistency and stillness? Well, what if I said the trick is… to have an affair with your partner.
Below are 7 dynamics that can be integrated into your relationship to rekindle and revitalize the energy and passion and aid in keeping desire during the pandemic:
- Pursuit. The intentional act of seeking out a time and space to touch, hold, look, call etc., your person. In other words, flirt.
- Persistence. At first it may be silly, or awkward but when we can ignore those anxieties and persist with a creative and flirtatious nature, we become more intrigued to the possibility.
- Special moments. Turn everyday things into opportunities to be present with a seductive nature.
- Forbidden excitement. This is where most couples get stuck. This desire of excitement is often compromised by our need of safety and security in marriage/relationships which is why it can dwindle out in time. Basically, “when we assume our partners are ours, its hard to want what we already have” therefore we have to shift our perspective and wonder what others would see or desire in our spouses and consider how we would feel trying to win their attention.
- Build seduction and desire. In affairs, partners speak to each other and connect in seductive ways leading to anticipation and want. Putting aside hesitations, fears, predictions, even worries about your partner gives space for excitement and anticipation. What many couples desire in their marriage is initiation, and both physical and emotional connection. The idea of utilizing words and the body to invite and seduce your partner is key in building that desire.
- Use imagination. Just like number 4 and 5, being creative and using what is known but also unknown builds interest and excitement as well as mystery.
- Last but not least, “the look of love.” Find reasons to touch, look, smile, laugh with each other to connect. Work for the connection that from an outside view would seem “wow, somethings happening there.”
Adding or initiating these tips may take some time, but the rewards and benefits fuel that energy needed to keep a relationship thriving!
Nadine Greer is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who provides online and in person counseling through LiveBeyond Counseling & Coaching. LiveBeyond CC has offices located in Keller, Fort Worth, and Southlake, Texas, and provides online counseling for residents throughout Texas.