With different viewpoints, it’s common for couples to argue. Frequent spats, however, could cause a relationship to deteriorate. That’s why many find couples counseling helpful. Through discussions, a trained therapist can identify possible triggers, as outlined below, and then recommend techniques to resolve matters quickly before they spiral into intense emotions, hurt feelings, and explosive arguments.
What Are Common Underlying Causes of Arguments With Your Partner?
1. Ingrained Defense Mechanisms
The way you dealt with situations as a child can follow you into adulthood. If you were frequently criticized by a parent growing up, for example, it’s possible to interpret a partner’s comment as overly critical. You might fall back on old defense mechanisms, such as picking a fight, shutting down, or saying something critical about your partner in response. During couples counseling, you’ll be taught to pause before reacting. This allows time to rationalize what was said, see how the comment was well-intended, and form an appropriate response.
2. Critical Inner Voice
Your critical inner voice can cause you to form negative opinions about yourself and others. As a result, you may constantly have your guard up, waiting to point out instances when a partner has fallen below expectations. Waiting to feel hurt or disappointed means you can’t acknowledge, appreciate, and enjoy the positive aspects of the relationship. A relationship counselor will tell you to keep in mind how all the positive points outweigh the negatives. This can stop your critical inner voice from prevailing and help curb arguments.
3. Suppressed Feelings
Letting feelings fester often leads to arguments. When a disagreement happens, you might bring up past grievances in a fit of anger. Your partner might feel attacked and become defensive in response. During couples counseling sessions, you’ll be taught how to communicate with each other better. This includes discussing your feelings as they happen. This way, you won’t hold on to resentments that cause tension and frequent disagreements.
To get to the root of your frequent arguing, turn to the professionals at LiveBeyond Counseling & Coaching for couples counseling. Serving married and unmarried couples in Keller and Southlake, TX, the licensed counselors will help you find constructive ways to tackle obstacles in the relationship to build a stronger bond. To arrange a session, call (817) 754-8886. Meet the therapists online and stay tuned for announcements on Facebook.